Qualities for Low Conflict Christians

John 15:12

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”

Intro…

       This week I believe it would be profitable for us to begin where we left off last week. Last week we talked about seven things you need to know before you die. (God is love, Christ is alive, Sin is destructible, Grace is free, Time is short, Eternity is long, Relationships are very important)

So to begin where we left off I think we will start today by talking about this matter of how important relationships are.

If you think your family has problems, consider the marriage mayhem created when 76-year-old Bill Baker of London recently married Edna Harvey. Edna Harvey happened to be his granddaughter's, husband's, mother. That's where the confusion began, according to Baker's granddaughter, Lynn.

Lyn said this of the situation…

"My mother-in-law is now my step-grandmother. My grandfather is now my stepfather-in-law. My mom is my sister-in-law and my brother is my nephew. But even crazier than that is that now I'm married to my uncle and my own children are my cousins." 

It would take us a while to sit down and figure that out but if you want to see the resource is…Campus Life, March, 1981, p. 31

Can I stress something right up front? Relationships are very important.

      In order for us to have/ to be in/ low conflict relationships we as Christians, must have some qualities in our life that will help us to be people without conflict. So to get this sermon under way lets start by saying if we are going to be people without conflict we must have the…

I.                  Grace of humor Exodus 3:1-4, 9-10 (FOUR QUESTIONS) 11, 13, 4:1, 10

Moses had some very legitimate concerns. 1st of all he was a shepherd, taking care of his father-in-laws sheep with little if any education. He was doing what he was capable of doing. He was tending sheep. He was a man that knew relationships were very important and he was taking care of his daddy-in-laws sheep. You do know that relationships are very important, don’t you? But really, it is humorous; God must have a sense of humor when He showed up in that burning bush in front of Moses. Moses was a man who had a major inferiority complex.

1…. v. 11 Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and lead these people out?  He had little or no self confidence. If that would have been God talking to Mark Tucker he would have probably said, “God, when do you want me to take him out!” “You have called Lord, get me on the next bus!” But that is what is so humorous about this story God is talking to a man who has no confidence in himself

2…. v.13, his complex is further realized when he says, “Lord, how am I going to tell these people that I have authorization to do this?”  You see, God has a sense of humor. He chooses people not because of ability, but availability.

3….4:1, Moses says, “suppose they will not believe me?” Boy, Moses does really struggle with his identity, does he not? He is really thinking that this whole process is up to him and he needs answers. God has a sense of humor.

4….4:10, “Lord, I am not eloquent, I can’t speak…” Guess what, Uncle Buddy couldn’t either, Charles Stalker couldn’t either, his momma told him he should rethink his call but when she found out he was serious, she supported. God has a sense of humor. And we need to have a sense of humor as well if we are going to live lives without conflict. Christians, this next statement will not be the most profound idea you have ever heard…but YOU NEED TO LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. Don’t take yourself too seriously. You will find yourself in conflict if you don’t learn to laugh. (Tell story on yourself wishing Monte, Happy Birthday)

II. Grace of Humility Psalm 10:17 “Lord you have heard the desire of the humble, you will prepare their heart, you will cause your ear to hear.”

First of all I would like to say that this topic of humility is a difficult subject to address. Someone has said, “If you talk about and think you are humble, then it is a sure sign that you are proud to the core.” So humility is something we don’t talk about much. But I see two things happening in this psalm.

1.  Those that are humble have an audience with God. David says here, “Lord, you have heard the desire of the humble.” Where do our desires originate? Where do they initially find their beginning? Our desires, those things we really need, those desires, come straight from the heart.  God hears the desires of those who are humble. 

2. Secondly, God prepares the heart of the humble for  blessings that He is going to pour out on them.

Samuel Morse received many honors from his invention of the telegraph but felt very undeserving: He said, "I have made a valuable application of electricity not because I was superior to other men but solely because God, who meant it for mankind, must reveal it to someone and He was pleased to reveal it to me."

Tim Hansel, Eating Problems for Breakfast, Word Publishing, 1988, pp. 33-34.

       Why is humility important in helping to resolve conflict?  It helps because we are needy people and if we are humble we have an audience with God and he prepares our heart (according to Psalm 10:17 for blessings beyond our comprehension.) Sportscaster and former baseball great Ralph Kiner tells his story: He said after the season in which he had hit 37 home runs, he asked his Pittsburgh Pirate general manager Branch Rickey for a raise. The manager refused. Kiner said, "Hey, I led the league in homers," But the manager said, "Where did we finish?" Ralph Kiner said, "We finished last!" The manger then said, "Well, Ralph we can finish last without you."

You see, humility understands who we are, that we are really nothing more than a lump of clay and that helps us to understand we are not indispensable and conflict can then be avoided.

Thirdly, if we avoid conflict in our lives we need to have the…

III. Grace of Empathy—

There is an old Sioux Indian prayer that speaks to this issue of empathy. It says: "Oh Great God/Spirit, grant me the wisdom to walk in another's moccasins before I criticize or pass judgment." You see, learning to walk in another’s moccasins is at the heart of having healthy relationships without conflict. Psychologists call it empathy, the rare capacity to put ourselves into the shoes of our friends, our fellow Christians, our significant other and accurately see life from their perspective.

Empathy combines two important capacities: First we need to analyze and to sympathize, and we do this by using our heads and our hearts. Our analytical capacities involve collecting facts and observing conditions. We look at a problem, we break it down into its causes, and we propose solutions. That's analyzing. Sympathizing is feeling for another person. It is feeling the pain of someone who is suffering or feeling the anger of a person in rage. Analyzing and sympathizing are the twin engines of empathy. One without the other is fine, but their true power is found in combination. We need to love with both our head and our heart to empathize. When we empathize, we put aside our expectation that our friends, family, and fellow Christians should be just like us. We accept the fact that those we love have a  personality of their own and when we realize this we help lower the possibility for conflict in our relationships.

While the word "empathy" is never used in the Bible, it is, in a sense, what the whole Gospel message is all about. The apostle Paul encouraged empathy in Hebrews when he said: "Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering" (Hebrews 13:3). He also said, "We who are not strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves" (Romans 15:1).

The best model of empathy is our Lord himself. If Jesus Christ had been merely sympathetic to our plight, he would have watched our struggles from afar, shaking his head and feeling bad. If he had been merely analytical, he would have told us exactly what to do, stripping us of our freedom and solving all our problems for us. Instead, the Son of God chose to become one of us. An incarnational approach. God empathized with man! (see John 1:14; Luke 1:32; Philippians 2:7; Colossians 1:15, 1 Timothy 2:5).

So, before you jump to conclusions, before you criticize, before you pass judgment, before you declare all others guilty and yourself innocent, use Jesus as your model and walk in your friends shoes. You’ll begin enjoying con-flict-less relationships.

IV. Grace of Optimism—

John Wesley was one who spoke of the optimism of Grace. He said that the optimism of grace was the process of being saved by grace through faith. That would certainly make a tough situation seem optimistic. However, I don’t’ want to talk about the optimism of grace but the grace of optimism. Basically, in order to help us as Christians to get to the place where we are not experiencing conflict in our relationships --- we need to be optimistic every once in a while. How many here just absolutely love, adore, cherish, and can’t get enough of, someone who is always pessimistic? Not many of us can handle a steady diet of criticism, low fat food, or pessimism. They all go together. Pessimism always asks the question “Why” while optimism always asks the question, “Why not?”

      I read about a schoolboy who brought home his report card. It was heavy with poor grades. His father asked him, "Son, just what do you have to say about this?" The boy replied, He said,  "Dad, one thing for sure, you can be proud of me. At least you know I haven't been cheating!" Morning Glory, August 12, 1993.

That boy was optimistic about the situation!

As Christians, we ought to be optimistic about several things.

1.     We ought to be optimistic about sinners.

I was having Boone and Daubens withdraw so yesterday I stopped by there to get some breakfast. I started talking to a man who is not a Christian and who does not attend church and is as emphatic about the former as he is the latter. We were talking for a little while and I asked him a philosophical question. I asked him, “If you were a preacher would you perform a wedding ceremony for someone who is unsaved?” He scratched his head a little bit and said, “Well are they living together?” I thought that was an interesting response coming from a pre-Christian individual. I told him let’s just suppose they are since they are sinners they are living together, what do you think? He said, “You know, I don’t think I would.” I said, O.K. I agree. Good answer. Let me ask you a second question, “Do you think that God can forgive sins that are really bad?” He said, “What are you getting at?” I called him by his first name and said, “do think God can forgive you of your sin?” 

   You see, this whole conversation started out by him telling me that he did not need the church, and that he was a sinner and that he thought that God could not forgive him so I began by getting him to look at life from another perspective. And if you ever lead anyone to Christ (I still have a ways to go before this man accepts Christ), you will have to have the grace that breeds optimism. If someone tells you they don’t need the church, that they are a sinner, and that God can’t forgive them, what are you going to do? Well, for me – that is job security. (that’ like the little boy who was digging in the pile of manure, his daddy said… “What in the world are you doing?” Little boy said, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”

2.     We ought to be optimistic about the saints

Sometimes we are the toughest on those we love the most. We need the grace of optimism when working with those we love.                    

During his days as president, Thomas Jefferson and a group of companions were traveling across the country on horseback. They came to a river which had left its banks because of a recent downpour. The swollen river had washed the bridge away. Each rider was forced to ford the river on horseback, fighting for his life against the rapid currents. The very real possibility of death threatened each rider, which caused a traveler who was not part of their group to step aside and watch.        After several had plunged in and made it to the other side, the stranger asked President Jefferson if he would ferry him across the river. The president agreed without hesitation. The man climbed on, and shortly thereafter the two of them made it safely to the other side. 

As the stranger slid off the back of the saddle onto dry ground, someone in the group asked him, "Tell me, why did you select the president to ask this favor of?" 

The man was shocked, admitting he had no idea it was the president who had helped him. But he said this… "All I know is that on some of your faces was written the answer 'No,' and on some of them was the answer 'yes.' He said, the president had a 'Yes' face."  C. Swindoll, The Grace Awakening, Word, 1990, p. 6.

The only way that we can exhibit the grace of optimism is to be connected to the only true source of hope and that is Jesus Christ. Paul was writing to Timothy in the first epistle to him, verse 1, and he addresses Timothy at the beginning of his letter by saying that he was not only saved by Jesus Christ, and sent by Jesus Christ but he was also optimistic about the hope that he had in Jesus Christ. Paul was driven by the only real Hope of the universe, and that is wrapped up in Jesus Christ

I have talked to you about the…

1. The grace of Humor—God had a sense of humor, we need to laugh at ourselves as well.

2. The grace of Humility—God hears those who are humble and prepares their hearts for blessing

3. The grace of Empathy—walking in others shoes before you pass judgment

4. The grace of Optimism—believing in your heart that God can do great things in the life of the sinner and the saint